Tarnation and God's Going To Cut You Down

Intro

I recently playtested Tarnation, although unfortunately I never finished the game because I lost the index card I was using. Maybe it'll turn up and then I'll finish it. I then played God's Going To Cut You Down, and realized they are both kind of Western-y games. They're quite different - Tarnation is definitely Weird, and GGCYD is pretty normal. Tarnation guides you through a kind of clock-based story structure where you should hopefully survive; in GGCYD you are doomed and you're playing to find out your downfall.

I ended up playing pretty terrible people in both games. Also, for GGCYD maybe I leaned too hard into the tropes of the genre, I have never written anything that less passes the Bechdel test. I don't think you have to play either character as that terrible though; in particular the example character in the GGCYD book tends to make mistakes more in the context of his religious beliefs, and his ultimate failure is a lot less serious. I don't have a Christian background (religiously or culturally), so I ended up going with someone who is morally flawed in ways I am better at understanding. I kind of flailed around a bit before I really got my bearings on what was happening as well; Westerns aren't a genre I'm very familiar with either. (Why did I get this game, you ask? I like doomed protagonists, especially when they doomed themselves.)

I think the Tarnation one is the best writing I've done in solo journaling so far, maybe because I was finally brave enough to do real dialogue. I am extremely not confident about my ability to write dialogue. Maybe that's why I like writing adventures, because I am making the dialogue someone else's responsibility.

Tarnation

Me and Daisy heard they were looking for us, slipped out just before dawn. They expect people like me to stay up late and sleep in late, but I've always slept lightly. I heard they were asking questions about a man named Jack who'd disappeared, who had last quarreled with me over a card game.

I considered throwing away my revolver, but thought I might need it where I was going.

Daisy is stubborn but she knows how to walk quiet. As do I.

I could barely see the glow of the sun over the horizon but I could tell it was going to be a hot day. The road was dusty so we kept off of it. The dry grass crunched underfoot, and we headed to the other side of the ridge line before anyone woke up.

I didn't want to head across the border, I never had before, but they were sure to find me on the road. What I didn't expect was that Daisy would refuse to continue. There was another donkey just into the borderlands. Like Daisy, but silvery. And Daisy was not having it.

I'd heard of the quicksilver people. I heard that they would take strange shapes. But why take the shape of my damned mule.

Maybe I could turn her loose and she'd walk back to town? Maybe they'd think, then, that I died in the borderlands. But I couldn't bring myself to leave her. I brought some apples with me and I use them to try and coax Daisy forward. I then have an idea. I walk up to the quicksilver donkey and offer it an apple as well.

It took the donkey, and then it changed shape. It changed into the shape of Jack. I don't remember falling to the ground.

I wake up and Daisy is gone. A man is standing by me. He looks confused. "Who are you, and where am I?" he says. He's holding a strange device.

"Where's my mule?" I reply.

"I can find them," he says, gesturing to the device, "not that I've seen them. But look. I mean you no harm. Tell me where I am and I'll point you in the direction of the mule."

Without thinking, I name the town. He frowns. "I've heard of it. Collected a bounty there once, many years ago."

"You're a bounty hunter?" I say, trying to sound casual.

"I suppose so. Name's Tom. I like to think of myself as more someone who tries to bring some justice to this world. Real justice, you know, not The Law."

"Name's Myrtle", I say, saying the first name that comes to mind.

"Well, I better head into town in any case. Get my bearings, get breakfast, then head back." He fiddles with some dials. "What's your mule's name?"

"Daisy."

He squints. "Closest thing named Daisy is uh thatwaways. Looks like she's ranged, though. Do you know how to range?"

"Never done it."

"It's not safe. Maybe better to head back into town with me. There are criminals and such about too, you know."

I realize this is my best shot, when his hands are full and he's looking down. I don't want to do it. It started with Jack and now it's going to be Tom and who knows where my life is headed now. But if Tom makes it back to town, he'll be hunting me next, and his revolvers look well-used. So I shoot while his head is down. I grab the device before it falls and crashes on the ground. For some reason, running seems right. Maybe from my guilt.

It's a good thing I ran, because a bullet whizzes by over top. Just before I flicker, I hear a voice behind me.

"You poor fool, Myrtle. You really do not know the border lands."

Daisy is on the other side, where it's cold and the land is dotted with the closest thing we ever get to trees here. I don't know if he followed me, and Daisy for once doesn't complain when I jump on her back and run. I don't know if he followed me, this man who I saw die, but I've lost him for now.

God's Gonna Cut You Down

I'm a baker. I have gotten in a big fight with someone, many years ago, and they're now the mayor. Now my fight is everyone's fight, and people are quietly picking sides.

Chapter 1

Verse 1: 5:3:4 feed the poor

On a whim, I give free bread to Anne, whose farm is struggling. She goes from being cold and distant to friendly and grateful. Word gets around and I give bread to those in need. I can't keep it up forever, but I'm winning some of the town back.

Verse 2: 4:2:3 restore what you deceitfully gained

I realize that I have mistakenly underpaid the miller. The miller is the mayor's cousin. I reluctantly admit that I have overpaid him and give him the money back, hoping to bolster my reputation by my honesty. Instead he accuses me of being just afraid of angering the mayor. Rumours spread that I was deceitful in my business dealings.

Verse 3: 6:2:4 don't break vows

I had promised Anne free bread, and don't have the flour for it. But a promise is a promise. I tell her this will have to the be last time.

Verse 4: 2:2:2 don't steal/lie/deal falsely

My old friend the Salesman is back in town. This time he has a grift - he's selling snake oil. He offers to cut me in on it if I can sell it in my shop. I desperately need the money but I can't prove the mayor right and stoop to such dishonesty.

Verse 5: 3:2:6 another one about mercy and truth

Anne's son is sick and is trying to buy the snake oil from the Salesman in the inn. I know she can't afford it. I reveal what he said to me in front of the whole town. I've made an enemy.

Verse 6. 4:3:1 (false witness) - failed!

My son sets fire to the bakery. Insurace won't pay out if it's him. I say I saw the Salesman do it. The timing is right. People believe it. He flees in the night.

Chapter 2

A few weeks later...

Verse 1: 5:6:6 Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath

The mayor makes a speech against dishonest merchants. He is clearly targeting me. The Miller implies I set the fire on purpose to scam insurance. I say nothing. I don't even acknowledge it.

Verse 2: 3:3:3 Love the stranger

A new person comes into town. They seem disreputable, they come in with a bullet wound. People in the community don't want him here, they want him to move on. He comes to me for help specifically - he heard from a beggar I gave out free bread. I help him with great reluctance.

Verse 3: 2:5:5 Thine own friend, and father's friend, forsake not

My son confesses to me that he set the fire, he is afraid that I blamed my friend by mistake and that he set us apart. He wants to go find him and bring him some of the gold. I, too, am feeling guilty, and the mysterious stranger has given me an equally mysterious sum of gold, so I can afford it now. I send him off with my blessing.

(oops I've been doing wrong number of dice)

Verse 4: 1:6:4 (don't partake of other men's sins) - failed!

It turns out the stranger is a wanted man, and someone comes looking for him. He tells me that if he is found at my house, I will be ruined, everyone will think me a criminal - and I think of the mayor and how he'd use this. I just need to help him escape. So I do. I hear gunfire that night, and try not to think about it.

Chapter 3

It's been a month and my son is still missing.

Verse 1: 5:6:5 Redeem firstborn son

(Wow, this is way too appropriate)

I hear my son was arrested. It is he, not I, who is now being blamed: he had the stolen gold, and he confessed to the Salesman that I lied about who set the fire.

The Salesman writes me a letter. My son will go to prison if I don't go. I go.

Verse 2: 5:3:5 Do not bear a grudge

Before I go, I go to the mayor and I apologize. I say that I was wrong, many years ago, and more wrong to hold onto my anger. The mayor is overcome with sadness. Things could have been so different, so many years ago. I don't know what has happened to you to give you some capacity for self-reflection. I tell him I'm leaving town and I hope to be back but I don't know if I will. I tell him I am going to get my son back. He tells me that looking after my son is the one decent thing I've done in my life and not to bother returning if I don't return with my son. I get him to promise that if my son comes back alone, he will look after him.

Verse 3: 6:1:5 thou shall not kill - failed!

(Another overly approriate one. Though it was my second roll, I skipped the first one, I don't remember what it was but it was too similar to a previous one.)

The trial of my son is tomorrow. I meet the Salesman. We have a bitter argument. He says I'm the worst kind of hypocrite, willing to destroy anyone to make myself look better. This is not how I imagined it going. I finally tell him that I'll admit to letting him take the fall for the fire, to free my son, but too many words have been said. The Salesman shrugs and says, like father, like son, it wasn't an accident, I know you burned it down for the insurance. You sent your son with blood money, you threw me under the bus to distract from your dealings with bandits and murderers. I pull out a knife and stab him. They would hang me either way, and now I get to tell the story.

My son goes free.

I think in my last night about how all my troubles started with that first sin, against Emilia, so many years ago. How as a young man I was foolish and thoughtless. How I tried to be a good father, but my anger at the mayor - my shame - kept me from doing so. And how I let that shame fester and grow larger and larger until it killed people, and finally me.

Written August 2024